SOME LAWS WHICH NEWTON FORGOT TO STATE

LAW OF QUEUE:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR :
After your hands become coated with grease,your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

THEATRE RULE:
People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

AUDITOR..............???HUMOUR

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. 

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban
sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and
asks the shepherd,

'If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?'

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of
grazing sheep and replies, 'Okay.'

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax,
enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS,

opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot
tables.
He then
prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer,
turns to the shepherd and says,

'You have exactly 1,586 sheep.'

The shepherd cheers, 'That's correct, you can have your sheep.'

The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it in
the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks, 'If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?'

The young man answers, 'Yes, why not?'

The shepherd says, 'You are an auditor.'

'How did you know?' asks the young man.

'Very simple,' answers the shepherd. '

Firstly, you came here without being wanted.

Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew.

Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business....'

'.....Now can I have my dog back?'

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